His Last Words
by silkycatastrophe
Summary: When Austin makes the mistake of getting a little too drunk during the after party for the successful Homecoming Football game, he says some things he shouldn't have said about a certain brunette. Getting into that truck was the biggest mistake he could have made and the consequences, nearly fatal. Plummeting to his doom over a cliff in a red pick up truck, he rethinks his life. AU
1. Someday

**_Chapter I: Someday_**

* * *

_Summary: They say one wrong decision can ruin your life forever. It's true. Getting in that truck was not in my plans. Neither was the crash that followed. Losing my voice forever definitely wasn't in my plans, but neither were you. You definitely weren't in my plans. AU. Trauma_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Austin and Ally or anything else you might recognize. _

* * *

My Last Days

* * *

_Sometimes the smallest pleasures in life are the ones that make you the happiest. Laughing with your friends while sitting on the beach listening to your favourite song; that's pleasure. So what is real happiness? How do you achieve happiness?_

_So that means that getting a good grade, finishing a marathon, or being at a concert isn't really happiness; it's pleasure. You see, it's all in the perspective of things. You aren't looking at these things the right way. You need to look closer, read in between the lines, and don't forget to remember. _

_How do you know what happiness really is then?_

_I learned the hard way. But nevertheless, it is a way. One way or another, I am happy, and that is all that matters. _

_What do you think happiness means?_

_Well… it means a lot of things…_

* * *

There are a few things I was certain about. Florida was nothing short of over-rated. The people were tanned, there were alligators around almost every corner, and everyone you talked to knew or was acquainted with at least one football player.

Living in a small town with a population of about 4,000 people located about half an hour distance from the metropolis of Miami, meant that you knew everyone. There wasn't much you could do without someone else you knew seeing you do it.

For that reason, I knew everyone a little too well.

As I walked down the halls of Livington High, I could tell you the name of every single person who passed me by. I would tell you that in fourth grade, Tilly Thompson had a melt down and puked in the hallway. Or that in Kindergarten Trent Brady peed his pants after his mom left. I could even tell you that Ms. Dixon the history teacher had an affair last spring with her husband's brother. There were many things I was even ashamed to admit that I knew, or made me cringe just thinking about them.

"Austin!" my best friend Dez Fisher called from behind me. We had met on the first day of kindergarten and were instantly best friends. "Are you on snack duty for the game tonight?"

"Yah, my mom has been chopping strawberries and watermelon and making biscuits nonstop since last night. There will be enough to feed the entire town if she keeps it up. You know how she is", I told him as I opened my locker door.

"I'm not complaining. Your mom is the only mom who actually makes enough food. I'm not full until I feel like I am going to hurl", Dez laughed. He pulled out a sandwich from his locker, which had been next to mine since freshman year and started eating.

"Seriously dude, do you ever stop eating?"

"I'll stop eating when food stops being delicious, alright?" Dez said with a mouth full of food.

I pushed his face away from me and cringed. "That is disgusting", I replied.

"Dez? Do you ever stop eating? It's nine in the morning and you are already eating your lunch", Dallas said as he approached the two boys.

"I just finished telling my good friend Austin here that I would stop eating when food stopped being good. Now can we move on?" Dez replied exasperated. I grabbed my school books out of my locker at the sound of the warning bell.

"Is your sister going to be at the game tonight?" Dallas asked, as he not so discretely stared at my sixteen year old sister Lauren as she walked down the hallway. Lauren was tall and blonde just like me. She was also a cheerleader for the school, so I wasn't sure why Dallas asked if she was going to be there if he already knew the answer.

"Seriously?" I said whacking his head. "Don't do that in front of me. It's gross." Dallas had been chasing Lauren since we were 10 and he realized girls didn't have cooties anymore. I don't even think he's looked at another girl since then.

"What?" he asked still staring at her. "She's hot." I ignored him as Dallas continued to whistle at Lauren. Now he was just trying to bug me.

I walked into my AP History class with Ms. Dixon and sat down at a desk. Classes were relatively small at my high school due to our low population. I liked that the classes were small and intimate, but sometimes I just wished that there were a few more options. A town could be _too _small.

"Hey Ally", I said trying to keep my voice cool as I slid into my desk chair.

"Hey Austin", she smiled as she briefly glanced over at me. Ally Dawson was very likely the smartest girl in the school. She was enrolled in all of the AP classes and on the verge of graduating at the top of the grade. Everyone was sure she would be voted as valedictorian come the end of the year. She was that girl that everyone in the town liked. The girl who you could trust with your secrets, and have a good conversation with. She was good at everything. There was also no questioning her beauty. Her slick light brown hair was pulled up into a high pony tail today which fell onto her shoulder as she leaned forward reviewing last night's homework.

"Are you coming to the game tonight?" I asked as I wiped my hands against my shorts. For whatever reason, I always sweat a lot while I was around her. I couldn't control it.

"Well, that all depends on how much homework Ms. Dixon gives us today", she said sighing.

"It's homecoming. Would be a shame to miss it."

Ally gave me a small smile before her eyes darted back to her notes. Her mind was elsewhere.

And during class while I should have been listening to the teacher, my mind was somewhere else. I tried to turn my attention to Ms. Dixon's lesson on World War 1, but my mind kept wandering to the way Ally shifted in her chair next to me, how her dark hair collapsed across her shoulder, the way she held her face in her hand.

_Someday I'll tell her_, I thought.

I had no regrets day dreaming about Ally Dawson. But it was hard to do since she hardly ever paid me any attention anymore. But it wasn't just me. It was everyone. _No one _caught Ally's eyes, at least not anymore. It was strange, typically a girl as pretty as Ally didn't usually come with brains like hers and educational promise.

She was way smarter than 99% of our town and it only made me want her more.

"So I was thinking, we should head to Trent's party after the game tonight instead of crashing at your place Dez", said Dallas. Dallas was driving his dad's truck home from school. He was driving me, Dez, and Elliot. I was in the passenger seat and Dez and Elliot took the back seats. Today was just one of those days when looking out the window was more interesting than the rest of the world.

"I don't know," Dez said trying to be the voice of reason. The thing about Dez was that he is either totally goofy and you couldn't understand a single thing he did, or he was dead serious. There was no in between. That's why he was my best friend. He was a balance of everything I needed. He was a voice of reason, and a guy who knew what the meaning of fun was.

"Are you kidding? This is going to be the best party of the year; we are not going to miss it."

"What do you think Austin?"

"Huh?"

I looked up in the direction of the voice. All of my friends were looking in my direction. Dez looked concerned.

"What do you think we should do?" asks Dez, repeating what someone else asked.

"Umm…. It doesn't really matter to me. The party might be fun."

"Totally fun!" Dallas agreed. He quickly glanced at me, but kept his eyes directed towards to road.

"This is a bad idea", Dez said sighing.

"It might be fun", I said shrugging and looking back at the window.

"I even heard the Cassidy might be there", said Elliot nudging my shoulder with his arm from behind me.

"Oh but Austin doesn't like Cassidy anymore, he likes Ally Dawson", Dallas said mocking me.

"That's not true", I said quickly looking away from the window.

"Which part?" asked Dez.

"Someone just got really defensive, really fast", said Dallas at the same time.

"Shut up and just drive."

* * *

Out of the forty-three seniors at Livington High School, every single one of them attended the homecoming football game. It was a Friday night, and the sky was clear, mind you it was dark out already, but the stars and the moon were clearly painted onto the night sky. Livington was one of those towns that came right out of a magazine. There were local businesses and variety stores, two churches, two schools, elementary and secondary. It was a great place to raise a family and there were plenty of sports teams. The docks were the town's main attraction. The lighthouse near the ocean was a vibrant red. There was also a great lagoon and beach where the teenagers enjoyed hanging out at in the summer months.

Many of the parents attended the game to watch us win, including mine. In fact the majority of the town was their watching. The problem was, my parents believed I was heading to Dez's house for the night and not a drinking party.

The homecoming game was a success. Our team won with flying colours. Many of the seniors were headed to Trent's house for the victory party, including us.

"Austin!" Dallas shouted from across the bonfire. "Catch!"

I barely got my hands up to block the beer can from hitting me in the face. I could hear Dez laughing next to me.

"And that's how we won the game today!" Dallas cheered, the rest of the crowd cheering and shouting with him. I shook my head and laughed as I watched Dallas grab another beer from the cooler at his feet and chuck it at Dez.

The entire football team was at the party and if we got caught we were screwed for the rest of the season. I could think of nothing worse than having the cops roll up. I Ignored my mother's voice in the back of my head, the one that was always there whenever I was doing something I knew I shouldn't, I popped the top of the can.

"Chug," Dez started chanting. "Chug! Chug!" Dez was no longer the voice of reason. After the game there was nothing stopping Dez from going crazy.

"You're on!" I taunted. Not hesitating, my lips met the lip of the can and tipped it back.

The alcohol burned my throat as it went down, and everything in me wanted to cough it back up. But I'd never admit this was only the third beer I'd ever had in my life. The one I'd finished not three minutes ago was my second. I wasn't much of a drinker, but sometimes it was nice to have the attention on me, where I would show off. I crushed the can under my foot after the last drop slid down my throat and raised my arms in triumph. Dallas coughed as he choked on his, laughing.

"That's how we do it, Moon!" Dez laughed as he beat on my back with his fist. "Maybe you aren't as innocent as we all believed you to be." Dallas laughed.

"Shut up, man," I shoved Dez, laughing with the rest of the crowd.

After about half an hour, Dez's twin sister Deedee showed up with her friends.

"I can't believe you guys invited all of these people", Deedee said as she stopped at Dez's ride, giving him a glare. It was easy to tell that they were twins. They both had bright red hair and they were both tall and lean. Although Deedee was much more responsible than Dez.

"Then why do you have a red plastic cup in your hand," Dez mocked her. "Quit killing the party! We're just having fun. You should try it for a change."

"Whatever," she said with a very dramatic roll of her eyes. "Austin, don't get to drunk you can't make it to the dance tomorrow. I spent way too much on my dress for you to get too wasted to not wake up tomorrow. I won't be stood up."

"Yes ma'am," I saluted her. She winked at me once and walked back toward their borderline historic house.

"It is a little weird that she asked him to the dance, right?" Dallas asked as he staring after Deedee.

The comment was ignored because no one really knew how to respond. I knew why Deedee asked me to the dance instead of the other way around. We were great friends, but that wasn't the only reason. She was more interested in girls than she was with guys, and no one else seemed to know. I figured it out on my own and asked her about it one day. At first I was uncomfortable because I had known her my entire life, but after our conversation, I agreed to keep her secret, and we went back to being friends. So I had to agree to take her to the dance when she blackmailed me with Ally. She knew I never had the nerves to ask Ally, so either I take Deedee, or she told Ally about how I felt.

The entire team crowded around the bonfire as another round of beer was distributed to the group. Trent, the most built guy in the school challenged us to drink. "You ready to take on T-Fame?" he bellowed.

We all laughed.

"_T-Fame, _huh?" I challenged. "Bring it."

We battled to the last drop of alcohol. I hadn't stood a chance. Trent was huge and it took him a matter of seconds to finish off his can.

"And _that's_ how T-Fame does it!" he said chucking his can at the ground. The girls all cheered for him. Trent struck a pose, flexed his biceps and kissed each of them.

"Who wants a piece of T-Fame?" he called, nodding and winking at them.

"Wow," Dallas shook his head. "Is he for real?"

We all laughed, each grabbing another beer from the cooler. I watched as Kira Starr, the only girl with enough money to supply the drinks, eyed me from across the bonfire, and slowly made her way toward us.

"Watch out Austie," Dez teased. "The tigress is on the prowl again."

"Shut up", I hissed. I was not interested in Kira and her slutty ways.

"Hey Austin", she purred as she walked up next to me. Her dark brown leather jacket had some spilled beer on it and she smelt of a mix of perfume and alcohol. It wasn't a good combination. "When is your band going to play again? I'd love to hear you play."

"Uh. Last time we played was last year. We don't really do that type of thing anymore", I told her. It was true, _Lighthouse Signal _ had seen its final days last August after the other's had 'outgrown' the band days. We realized we weren't really in the right location to establish a quality band with a gig every weekend. Not when we were in Livington.

"Why don't you do that type of thing anymore. You were so good. I'd like a private performance , if you know what I mean."

"Uh… I'll keep that in mind", I said trying to push myself away from Kira. She was so clinging, and her hands were all over my body. I jumped away from her and a shiver ran through my body. My speech was starting to get slurred.

"Looks like we've got a regular stalker on our hands, Austin", Dallas said just a little too loudly as he high fived Dez.

"Could you guys just shut up." My words were becoming less and less clear.

"Chill out, Moon", Dallas said grabbing my shoulder. "We all know you're saving yourself for Ally."

I got quiet at the mention of Ally's name, a hard knot tying itself around my chest. Ally was one of the few students who weren't at the party. She was probably at home studying.

"No defense," Dallas said, squeezing my shoulder again. "It must be true love." He voice was mocking.

"Shut up," I said again, letting myself sink to the ground. It no longer felt like I was standing on solid ground. Instead it was like I was at sea, on a boat.

"Just say it, my friend," Dez said, sitting on the ground next to me, another can between his hands. "You'll feel better if you get it out."

My drunken brain didn't even register or care that he was still mocking me. "I've been trying to drop the hints since the beginning of last year, but does she respond? No!" I said just a little louder than I should have.

"Oh Ally!" Dez sang out in a terrible mock country voice. Dallas slipped his phone out of his pocket and pointed it in our direction. I didn't even care that he was recording this.

"Oh Ally," Dez continued. "Why isn't dear Austin good enough? With those beautiful brown eyes and hair like… chocolate?" he held the note out long and dramatic.

"Oh Ally," I joined Dez, singing in harmony. "I've been watching you for so long," I sang. "I've been waiting for you to come around. Why don't you know Ally, that I love you?" I was lying with my back against the dirt ground looking up at Dallas and his recording cell phone. "I love you Ally," I said with a lazy smile, straight into the phone.

"Okay, lover boy," Dallas said, pulling me back to my feet. "It's time to go tell her. This is just sad." He shook his head in disappointment.

"Tell her?" I said as Dez pulled my arm around his shoulder to keep me on my feet. "Tell who what?" I asked.

"Yes, tell her, you are going to tell Ally just how much you love her," Dallas said as he put his arm around me from the other side. I heard Dez laughing like a lunatic behind me. I don't think he had a clue what was going on.

I hesitated, my foggy brain processing their words. It sounded like a pretty good idea. "Okay!" I declared, standing up a little straighter. "Okay! I'm gonna' tell her! Tonight! Right now!"

"Yeah!" Dallas and Dez both cheered. Dallas reached into his pocket for his keys. "I'll drive!"

"Aren't you drunk?" I said trying to be reasonable in an unreasonable state.

"I'm not nearly as drunk as you," Dallas laughed.

The three of us got into Dallas's pickup truck sitting across the front row. Dez was in the middle and I slammed the door behind me as I slid next to him.

"We are on a mission, men!" Dez shouted.

"A mission for love!" Dallas repeated.

The three of us set out driving down a winding road. Dallas turned up the radio. My head began to pound. I squeezed my eyes closed. Everything was so loud.

Behind my eyes I could visualize Ally, and her dark curly hair, her warm brown doe eyes, her tiny nose, and perfectly smooth skin. I had loved her since I saw her the first day of our freshmen year. I'd try to develop crushes on other girls. But I always ended up comparing them to Ally. None of them were ever good enough compared to her. Always.

She was an intimidating girl. She was extremely smart, by far the smartest in the school. She was confident, but not too confident. She did become self-conscious at times. And she was a musician. We had both had music together every year running since grade nine.

Last year, during an AP English class, she and the teacher got into a debate. We'd been reading some book. It might have been Romeo and Juliet, and one of the issues was about love. Ally's argument was that she didn't believe in love. No one in the class doubted she really didn't believe in love after she finished her argument. For that reason, I had never told her.

But that was going to change tonight. As Dez had put it, I was finally going to grow a pair.

Just as we went around a sharp bend in the road, Dallas' phone started playing some rap song. At the exact same time, it slid off the dash and onto the floor.

"Got it," Dallas and Dez said at the same time, both reaching toward the floor.

"Hey," I muttered as I squinted out the front window. "Watch out for that deer."

"What?" Dallas mumbled, briefly glancing at the windshield before turning his eyes back to the floor of the truck.

"Watch out for that deer!" I yelled. I saw its eyes grow wide and white as we barreled towards it. Dallas moved as quickly as he could being drunk and jerked the steering wheel to avoid the deer. Dallas slammed on the breaks just after he jerked the steering wheel. The back end of the truck skidded, turning us in a half circle. The truck swerved wildly and there was a loud pop as the front passenger tire burst. For one second the truck was airborne, as it was directed into a deep ditch. There was the sickening sound of metal crunching and the next second it felt as if my head had been ripped off. The truck continued to roll. .

Blackness crept in on the edges of my vision as a shaky hand rose to the source of the pain. Glass was embedded into my arms and face, but that wasn't what really hurt. My fingers met cold steel. I traced my fingers up the metal.

And then my fingers met my own bloody flesh, just a few inches under my chin. The steel and my skin were connected.

I passed out.

* * *

_Don't worry; I'll still be updating The Right Way Home. Here is my newest story._

_Should I continue it?_

_Let me know!_


	2. Soon

**Chapter II: Soon**

* * *

It was eleven o'clock at night and for the most part the house was empty and quiet except for the sound of the television. And dad and I were watching a movie on television. It was a comedy and we were both laughing. I hardly ever spent any time with just my dad since our family was quite large and he was always working, so I cherished the time when everyone else was out of the house.

That night, it was just me, mom and dad. Mom was making caramel popcorn in the kitchen and the aroma of the freshly steamed caramel was filling the house.

I loved that smell.

She walked into the room with a large bowl full of popcorn and sat down next to dad who dug his large fist into the bowl.

"What did I miss?" she said as she crossed her legs on the couch and leaned into my dad's arm. It was a little weird, but I was used to it. These two had been love sick puppies since the day they met. I loved that they loved each other so much and only hoped that one day I would be able to find someone who treated me the same way.

"Well, we are only five minutes into the movie because we watched all of the opening previews and credits, but so far we've been introduced to Saige, the main character. She is pretty much the definition of a failure", I told her.

My mom nodded.

"Have you seen this before Lauren?" she asked.

"Nope, and it's supposed to be really good", I replied. It was true, I had heard nothing but good comments about this movie.

"Quiet guys", my dad hushed us. We laughed quietly.

Then the phone rang and we all groaned.

"Lauren honey, can you go get that? I just sat down", my mom asked. I sighed and nodded before getting up to retrieve the phone in the kitchen.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Is this Mimi Moon?" the voice asked.

"No, this is her daughter, Lauren."

"Is your mom there?"

"Yah just one second. Can I ask who is calling?"

"This is Officer Reynolds."

I paused for a moment, contemplating the name. A police officer?

"Okay here is my mom", I told him.

"Who is it?" she whispered.

"Officer Reynolds", I whispered back. My mom and dad exchanged a nervous glance before she took the phone.

"Hello?" My dad pulled back and watched my mother's face. She listened avidly and didn't say much for a while. We watched as the colour drained from her face. I began to think of the worst. Someone might have died, but who?

Finally tears started pouring down her face and her hand was placed in front of her mouth in shock. My dad could take any more of the silence, so he pulled the phone from her hand quickly.

"What's going on?" he hissed into the phone.

My mother was balling and I went to hold her. I didn't know what to say because she never cried like this. She was horrified. Something was not right. Things like this didn't just happen here in Livington. This was the town people went to because of its happy aroma and genuine pleasantness. People like to be here for the most part. There was nothing sad about it. Except when people died. Seeing as if you knew one person here in Livington, you knew everyone, the worst possible thing would be a death. It would a town wide tragedy.

"What!" my dad whispered. He looked between me and my mom before hanging up the phone. I was concerned by my dad's reaction. Something was seriously wrong.

My mom and dad hugged each other and held each other closely.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" I asked them. I was angry and frustrated with the way they were looking at me. I couldn't stand to be out of the loop.

My mom was emotionally incapable of replying, so my dad replied.

"Austin was in a car accident…."

* * *

Even though I couldn't see her, I could smell her. Not the girl I really wanted to see, but my sister Lauren. I could smell her vanilla perfume. I always told her she wore too much perfume. It wasn't that it smelt bad. It smelt good. She just wore too much.

My eyes struggled to open, my entire body sure Lauren was going to jump on me, or dump a glass of ice cold water over my head to wake me up. That's just the type of sister she was. We liked to prank each other. We were closer than the typical brother and sister, and we really cared about each other, but that didn't stop us from having a little fun. For some reason my eyes didn't want to open. In fact, my entire body acted stubborn as it refused to do anything.

"Hey, Mom," I heard Lauren say. "I think he's starting to wake up." Then I heard the sound of shuffling feet, accompanied by beeping and a bunch of other sounds I didn't recognize. A sliver of light appeared as my eyelids struggled to open.

It felt weird when I breathed.

"Austin," I heard the familiar sound of my mom's voice. "Austin, are you awake?"

I tried to tell her that I was, but it felt like my throat was swollen to the point of almost being sealed shut. I felt like screaming, but at the same time I didn't want to make a noise.

My eyes slid open just a little more, seeing my mom's face. She was sitting on the side of whatever surface I laid on and it took me a moment to realize that I wasn't lying on my own bed. The lights above me were all wrong. My eyes roamed around, but not my head, my head was glued in place.

My entire family was staring at me, and they all looked very concerned.

A stream of tears rolled down Mom's face as she looked at me, my eyes now fully open.

I think that was what scared me the most. My mom never cried. Unless it was at a funeral or a wedding. I was certainly not getting married and I was pretty sure I wasn't dead. But then I realized where I was.

I was in a hospital.

A small whimper escaped Mom's throat and she reached for Dad's hand. Michael Moon, better known as Mike. He just stared at me in a maddening way. My older brother and youngest sister were standing next to them and they looked very frightened.

I opened my mouth to ask "what's going on?" when searing pain ripped through my throat. My hands shot to it, but my entire body screamed.

"Don't move, Austin," Lauren cried, her hands flashing to pull my hands away. My fingers brushed what felt like gauze at my throat before she pulled my hands back. "Don't." She was sitting the chair next to my bed, and holding my hands from ripping away the gauze.

On instinct, I went to ask "what happened?" when the pain ripped through me again. My eyes turned frantically to my family. What was wrong with me?

Something had happened to me. The last thing I remembered was my stupid drinking haze, and something about a deer. Having everyone stare at me, not saying a word was driving me to madness. I felt panic eating at me, a kind of terror I had never felt before. And it hurt too much to ask what had happened.

My older brother Todd, looked at me with sympathy and opened his mouth to speak. "You were in a car accident, Austin", Todd told me. "Do you remember that?"

I thought back to the last memory I had. There was laughing and drinking can after can of beer as I washed away my sorrows. There was so much noise in the room ever though no one was talking. Then there was Dallas's truck, a cell phone and a deer. STEEL. There was steel as well. The car soared through the air only to collide with a steel post.

I nodded carefully.

"Dallas was trying to find his phone or something, he said you shouted that there was a deer, and he swerved off the road. Apparently he was drunk, guess you all were," Todd's voice hardened a little in anger. I felt my heartbeat quicken.

"Todd," Mom managed to get out. "Are you sure we shouldn't wait until the doctor gets back to tell him?"

I shook my head, just a little, but the pain wasn't avoided. More pain ripped through me. But I didn't care. I had to know what had happened. Now.

Todd nodded his head, understanding. "You guys swerved off the side of the road. There was a pretty big ledge where the truck went off. The truck slammed to the ground and rolled onto its side. You all rolled…" his voice cut off for a second. Todd placed a fist over his mouth and tried to clear his throat. A single tear slipped down his cheek. I'd never seem Todd cry in my life either. "You all rolled… You rolled onto the side of the truck. Right onto a t-post. It broke right through the passenger window. It…" John didn't seem able to talk anymore.

"The t-post skewered you, right through you neck," my sister Lauren said gently holding my hand. "It might have been okay, but with the truck tipped, Carter and Rain piled on top of you, and it made it worse."

The thought of it made me want to be sick, I could feel the gagging forming, but knew that it would be impossible.

That's enough, you guys," Dad said. "No more until Dr. Calvin gets here."

I wanted to protest, to demand that they tell me every little horrifying detail, now. But I knew something was so beyond wrong, so wrong that I couldn't form even a single word.

"It's going to be okay, Austin," seven-year-old Mara said in her cute squeaky voice , climbing onto my bed and laying her head on my chest. Despite the pain in my arms, I placed my hand on Mara's back and rubbed small circles into it.

My arms hurt from all the cuts and stitches. Then I remembered how the window had shattered on the passenger side of the truck, implanting glass over my body. The side I'd been sitting on. The feeling of Dez's body crashing against mine and my head plastering the shattered window. It was horrifying.

A nurse opened the door to the room, asking if we needed some help.

"Could you call Dr. Martin?" Dad asked her quietly. "Austin's awake."

"He'll be right down," she answered, giving me a sad glance.

I tried to block it all out as we waited, all the beeping, the weird smell, the hard bed. The collapsed expressions every single one of my family members wore. I imagined I was back at the football game, catching that interception and making a break for the goal line.

_"Come on Austin!" I had heard Ally yell from the sidelines. _

_I smiled to myself as ran faster. The guys running behind me were no match as a claimed yet another touchdown. It was already dark, so the street light illuminated the field, making me feel like I was in the spot light. _

_The crowd cheered and my team tackled me as they congratulated me. _

_"Go Austin!" I had heard the faint yell from Ally again. I turned to see her clapping and smiling at me. I waved briefly. _

"Austin?" a voice called, tearing me from my daydream back into reality. My eyes lifted to a short bald man with glasses. His clip board was placed under his arm, stethoscope around his neck and a pencil behind his ear. "I'm Dr. Martin and I've been taking care of you for the last five days."

My eyes widened. I had been here for five days. I'd lost five days? Five days while the rest of the world pushed forward.

"I assume your family explained what happened?" Dr. Martin asked as he pulled up a rolling stool. The room was starting to feel very crowded with all of the people.

"Just the accident," Mom spoke up. Her voice still sounded rough. Mara hopped off the bed and crawled up into Lauren's lap. She held onto Lauren's blond ponytail like she always did when she sat with Lauren.

"Okay," Dr. Martin said, flipping through his clip board. He pulled out a few pieces of paper and handed them to me. I took the pages but didn't look at them. I simply waited to hear the news that could be nothing but crushing.

"First off, I have to say that you're very lucky to be alive."

"The post that crashed through the window in your friend's truck lodged into your neck. It came in through here," Dr. Martin lightly touched his fingers to the side of his own neck. I'm sure he would have pointed to mine, but I couldn't look to see. "And came out here," he touched another place on his neck. "When your friends crashed down on you, it shifted the post and it fixed itself right in your vocal chords. It also did significant damage to your wind pipe."

I gave a hard, painful swallow. I didn't even think I was breathing. Knowing it would be too hard to face the reality, I waited for him to continue to talk. Seconds felt like an eternity. The fire that ripped through me would never be as painful as the words I knew the doctor was going to say next.

"Your vocal chords were basically ripped out," the doctor said simply. There was no sympathy on his face. I wasn't sure if I appreciated his direct approach or not. "You were in surgery for six hours, we tried the best we could to repair the damage. We managed to mend your esophagus, and we got you breathing on your own again. But…"

The room started spinning around me.

"I'm afraid we weren't able to save your vocal chords."

Small black spots swam on the edges of my vision.

"Austin," the doctor half sighed. "With how extensive the damage was, and with how the pole hit your neck, we had to remove the vocal chords completely, what little there was left to remove. You're…" he trailed off. I wondered how many times a day he had to deliver life destroying news. "You're not going to be able to talk again."

I let out a long breath when Dr. Martin finally said it. The words I knew were going to be said as soon as I had tried to speak.

"The technical term we use is Akinetic mutism, which just means you've lost your ability to speak due to a physical injury." He handed me a booklet. "This book will have everything you might need to know about for your condition." Is that what he was calling it now? My condition? He must have seen my facial expression. He removed his glasses; I guess they were just reading glasses. "Austin, you were legally dead for seven minutes while we transported you to the hospital. Luckily we were able to reclaim your heart beat. You are very lucky to be alive." I stared straight ahead to the end of the bed and looked out of the window. There was the ocean in the distance. I was in Miami.

I died.

I'm alive.

I was very lucky.

Dr. Martin started talking about treatment plans, my recovery over the next week, options for my future. He told me that I was lucky I wasn't paralyzed because some people weren't as lucky as I was. But I didn't hear any of it. Not really. The world felt frozen and one by one, I saw the things I loved dropping away.

Music. I'd never have a career in music like I always dreamed of.

Football. I guess that ruled out sports.

Oddly enough, school.

But mostly, Ally.

I'd never gotten to tell her.

"Here," a voice said, pulling me back into the room again. Lauren pushed a spiral notebook and a pen across the bedside table to me. "You can write down anything you have to say." She had never left my side.

I looked up at my sister, so close in age to myself, only eleven months apart, and tried to manage a small smile. I looked around the room to see everyone looking at me expectantly. I realized Dr. Martin had left. I felt a little better without the doctor in the room. He was very intimidating.

"Are you okay, Austin?" Mara asked. I just stared at her blankly. She was so young and she should have to watch her older brother go through this.

"Hush, Mara," Mom hissed. She wiped at her eyes with a tissue. I wished she would stop crying. I could count on one hand the number of times I had seen my mom cry and they had all been when someone had died.

I wasn't dead. _At least not anymore._

Trying to turn the attention away from me, I reached for the notebook and opened the cover. The pages stared up at me, too white and too crisp. It felt wrong, that those perfect pages would have to do my imperfect talking.

_Dez and Dallas?_ I wrote in sloppy handwriting. My entire arm ached when I used it. There were so many cuts.

"They're both okay," Mom answered, finally seeming to pull herself together. "Dallas left arm is broken, Dez got a good handful of stitches and a concussion. But they're both okay."

"You got the worst of it, since the truck landed on your side," Lauren said.

I nodded my head, trying to act like I didn't care about that last part.

_We in trouble for the drinking? _

"You better believe you're in trouble," Mom shot, back to her normal self. "What were you doing at a party like that Austin Monica Moon?" She pulled the name card. She only ever did that when she was really angry or disappointed in me.

A smile nearly cracked on my lips as I just gave a shrug. My brother and sister laughed.

"I can't believe you all went and did a stupid thing like that. I'll let your teammates tell you all the drama there tomorrow," Mom shook her head.

_What?_

"Everyone wants to see you," Lauren answered shifted towards me. "A lot of people are coming down on a bus tomorrow after lunch."

_How many coming?_

"Probably your entire grade," she answered, reading my scribbled handwriting. "My cell phone hasn't stopped ringing the last four days. I'm up to over a thousand texts, all asking about you."

I took another painful swallow. I didn't want the entire school seeing me like this. But I couldn't say that, and it felt too egotistical to write it down.

"Don't worry about that right now," Mom said as she sat on the side of my bed again, taking my cut up hand in hers. "You should probably get some rest. Why don't you all go get some dinner and let Austin get some sleep?" she said to the rest of the family. "I'll stay with him."

I'm okay, Mom, I wrote. You don't have to stay.

"No sweetie," she said. "You're not okay. And I'm not going anywhere."

I simply gave her a small half-smile and let my eyes start to slide closed as my family shuffled out the door.

* * *

_There were a lot of really great reviews. Here is another chapter for you. Let me know what you think of it. _

_Still not quite sure if I'll keep going. It depends on the reviews and stuff I guess. _

_Do you think Austin is angry with his friends?  
What do you think Ally would say if she knew Austin was coming to her place to tell her something important? Guilty? Angry? Disappointed? Happy?  
What do you think of Lauren?_


	3. I'll Remember

_**III. I'll Remember**_

* * *

I woke up with my hands wrapped around my neck, drenched in sweat, and trying to scream my lungs out. I couldn't remember what I'd just been dreaming about, but Ally's face lingered in front of me like vapor steam from the shower, her laughing, beautiful face.

I looked around, trying to sort out my surroundings myself. I hadn't left my hospital bed. The closed curtains didn't shut out the rest of the world. Not like I wanted them to anyways.

I could hear the sound of people talking on the other side of the door, but not loud enough so that I could understand them.

There was a mug sitting near the hand washing sink that read Miami Children's Hospital.

_Great_. I was just months from being a legal adult and I was in a children's hospital.

Feeling the call of nature, I cautiously slid my legs over the side of the bed. Everything in my body screamed against me not to move. As I looked at my legs, poking out from underneath a baby blue hospital gown, I saw that they were covered in purple bruises and cuts. Apparently the top of my body wasn't the only part that suffered.

Taking a deep breath, and grabbing the IV tower that was attached to me with clear, snaking tubes, I pushed myself to my feet. My muscles felt weak and a bit like rubber. It was embarrassing what a few days in bed had done to me.

The lights in the bathroom blinded me for a second as I flipped them on. The cleanness of the space was almost startling at first.

As I sighed in relief, I wondered how I'd managed this the last five days. That was something I didn't want to dwell on too long.

"Austin?" Mom groggily said. "Austin?" this time her voice sounded a little more panicked.

I was about to call "just taking a leak in here" when the reality of everything hit me again. I flushed the toilet. There was nothing like having a toilet speak for you.

Mom dashed into the bathroom, her eyes wild and wide, just like her hair.

"I didn't expect you to get up by yourself," she said, her expression calming. She leaned in the doorway and crossed her arms over her chest. "You feel okay?"

The truth was, I felt like I might fall over. My weight was almost too much to carry, and I was struggling with balancing. I took a breath to speak, but then just nodded my head in response. I trudged around her, back into the room. I was already feeling tired just taking the few steps to the bathroom.

"Dr. Martin said you'd be feeling weak for a while, since you haven't had any solid food for a few days. He said you might be able to eat sometime next week."

Great. As if everything else weren't going to be bad enough, I couldn't eat now either. It's like I had gone back in time and I had to resort to being fed like a baby once again.

I shuffled over to a chair that sat pushed into the corner of the room and gently lowered myself into it.

Mom handed me the notebook and pen, an expression of sadness and almost anger mixed on her face. I took it from her, attempting to manage a half-smile. I didn't think it worked though.

I flipped the notebook open to a blank page. _Where is everyone else?_

"They've been spending nights in a hotel a few miles away," Mom answered, sinking into the hospital bed. "Your siblings are going back to the island tonight. They've missed a bunch of school. They'll be heading back on the bus with the rest of your classmates."

"A bunch of your friends called last night, after you fell asleep," Mom said. The way she said it, the way her eyes didn't quite meet mine was awkward. "They wanted to see how you were doing."

I nodded. I suddenly felt awkward too.

Life had changed. Had it changed me? What else was about to change in the future?

_You look like you could use a shower_, I wrote, half in an attempt to relieve the tenseness, half because she really did look like she could use one.

"Thanks, you little brat," Mom laughed, glaring at me. I chuckled, but no sound came out.

That had been the weirdest part about everything so far.

"But you're right," she said as she sniffed at her arm. "I do kind of smell." She stood and kissed the top of my head. "There are family showers on one of the upper floors. I'll be back soon, okay?"

I nodded again and watched as she grabbed some of her stuff and walked out the door.

Things felt too quiet as soon as the door slid shut. It felt like the silence was pushing in on my eardrums. I looked around for the remote to the TV. My eyes froze on the bedside table, on a few of the papers Dr. Martin had given me the day before.

_Being Mute_, the title read.

I sighed as the words seemed to fall in front of me in an endless pit of darkness that swallowed me whole. I laid down on my bed trying to knock it out of my vision.

Mute.

had never thought about that word much before. There were just certain words that you know, but you never really think about, never really consider what they mean.

"Mute" was one of those words.

And suddenly I felt like that word had been slashed into the skin across my neck with a blade.

Or maybe written in permanent, black sharpie across my forehead: _Hi, I'm Austin Moon, and I'm MUTE._

I searched for the remote with more aggressive intent, determined to block my own thoughts out. I finally found it dangling from a power cord on the side of the bed and started flipping through channels with furious fingers.

It was true… what they always said…

Silence was loud.

It was loud and it was obnoxious.

* * *

The rest of the family got back to the hospital just after nine. It was easy to tell no one had been sleeping well, and everyone was just a little irritable. But they came prepared to entertain me. Jordan had bought a few card games, Joshua made up his own kind of Pictionary game, Dad brought a few action movies.

I wondered how much being in the hospital was costing the family. We had insurance, but the ferry was two hours from the hospital and then it was another hour on the ferry, and then a twenty minute drive to our house once you got on the island. They weren't driving back and forth to get all these things. Everything they were bringing for me was brand new. And housing seven people in a hotel couldn't be cheap.

My dad being a mattress store owner didn't make us super rich. We weren't poor either, but we were careful with our money.

How much work had Dad had to miss because of me?

* * *

The day rolled by slowly, it was nothing but torture to watch each of them eat their lunches, even if it was crappy hospital cafeteria food. My stomach growled. The liquid pumping into my system didn't exactly make me feel full.

And I watched as the hands on the clock kept ticking steadily forward, the school bus arrival time of three o'clock creeping steadily nearer.

When Lauren arrived that morning she brought along my cell phone, which had been recovered from the accident. The screen was badly cracked where it had been smashed in my back pocket, but it did still work.

It wouldn't stop vibrating on the bedside table. It seemed like every ten seconds it flashed that I had a new text message from someone. I ignored them all.

I had just gotten out of the bathroom, the entire family gone, when there was a knock on the door. I just managed to sink into a chair, grateful for the sweats and tee-shirt Mom had gotten for me, when the door opened and in popped Dez and Dallas.

"You still alive in here?" Dallas tried to joke, his voice not quite pulling it off. I just tried to give a smile and nodded them in.

They bother sat down on the bed next to my chair and shuffled uncomfortably.

Their eyes fought hard not to look at my bandages.

"How are you doing?" Dez asked.

Sadness filled his eyes as his hands pleaded for an answer.

_I'm okay, I guess, _I wrote. _Sore and uncomfortable, but okay._

He nodded.

"Dude, I'm really sorry", Dallas spoke up, his eyes tortured. He cradled his broken arm in his hand. "If I hadn't been so drunk, I would have never suggested getting in that blasted truck in the first place. I would have left my phone on the floor, instead of throwing us off the cliff. This should have never happened. It's not fair. I'm sorry."

I squeezed my eyes closed, shaking my head just slightly. I couldn't decide if it was their apologies I wanted, or for them to experience some of the pain I had too. He's right, it wasn't fair. But I had already decided that.

_I was pretty wasted too. It wasn't your fault_, my shaky hand wrote as I lied on paper. The truth was, I blamed him. But I wasn't completely innocent. Had I not drank, none of that would have happened and I wouldn't be in a hospital right then.

"I knew we shouldn't have gone. We should have just went to my house like we planned", Dez said in a hoarse voice. He had stiches all over his right arm, above his left eye brow and a few more on his chin.

I shook my head, silently telling them to drop it. _How screwed are we? _

"The entire football team got suspended", Dallas answered, his voice dry. "The rest of our games got canceled this year, with no team left to play. Dad was beyond pissed."

Dallas had probably gotten the worst of the wrath, being the principals son, and the quarterback of the football team.

Just then, there was a knock on the door and a few people looked into the room. Deedee, and a few other people waved in and walked into the room, which was starting to fill up.

I smiled at Deedee.

"Hey Austin, how are you doing?" she asked. I wondered how many times I would have to answer that question. I held up my previously written answer.

_I'm okay, I guess, _it said. _Sore and uncomfortable, but okay._

She smiled sadly, and no one else spoke.

"Everyone's excited for you to come back to school though, Austin," Deedee said. It was nice to see her face wasn't as downfallen as everyone else's. She was trying harder than everyone else. "There's a special assembly planned for you and everything."

_Great…_ I wrote.

That made everyone laugh. Or at least fake a laugh.

It was nice to see them look a little more normal.

But they all kept staring at my throat.

_It's going to be a pretty impressive scar, right?_

"That's not funny, man," Dez said, shaking his head at me.

_I'd be laughing_, I wrote in shaking, almost angry letters.

"Austin, stop," Deedee said, looking at me with hard eyes.

Just then, another head peaked around the door and the girl with brunette hair sheepishly smiled as she knocked on the door.

She came into the room and sat down in between Dez and Deedee.

"Hey Austin", Ally said quietly. "We've missed you." I just stared at her. I waited for her to ask me how I've been. But it never came. A bigger crown shifted into the room and suddenly, I felt as if I couldn't breathe.

I didn't care that most everyone in my school was seeing me like this. Most of them didn't matter, and I didn't care what they thought about me.

But I didn't want Ally Dawson seeing me like this.

Something started beeping on the monitor attached to my IV tower and a nurse suddenly pushed her way through the crowd.

"Your pulse is getting a bit higher than we'd like it," she said as she checked the machine, pressing her fingers to my wrist. That was just making things all the more humiliating. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in that chair and disappear. "You should get some rest. All of you should probably say your good-bye's."

I finally met their eyes, seeing the fear and uncertainty in each of their faces. They were looking at me like I might explode or die right then and there. I felt like the word MUTE was carved into my throat, blood and gore dripping from the letters.

"Hang in there, man," Dez said as he stood. He gave me an awkward hug, as did Dallas, his cast feeling heavy and hard on my back. Deedee's hug at least felt real. I sat back down on the chair after her hug, because I didn't feel like I had to hug anyone else.

"Bye, Austin," a sweet voice said as bodies filed out the door. My eyes rose to meet Ally's. She looked at me sadly, but for once, it felt like she was really seeing me.

Something in me hardened.

It had taken nearly getting decapitated for Ally to finally really notice me.

I didn't even say, or rather write or wave good-bye as she gave me one more sad look and left, closing the door behind her.

Screw them all.

Especially Ally.

_Austin is feeling angry, what next?_

_DO you think he will forgive everyone for what has happened?_

_Do you think he will ever forgive himself?_


End file.
